A table laid with mince pies and Christmas decorations.

The Worst Christmas Food You Ever Had

I have two horrid Christmas food stories, both at work:

The Sprout Incident

Imagine a Christmas lunch. What's the least relaxing place you can think of where you could hold one? Yep, surrounded by 400 kids. Oh, and it was cooked in a school kitchen. Dire, springs to mind.

Now, I hate sprouts at the best of times, but even if I didn't… the following statements would still be true:

  • sprouts should not be squishy
  • sprouts should not be black
  • sprouts should not smell like used footwear

You can probably imagine how the rest of the story goes… but you should know it ends with me being violently ill.

The Bouncy Cheesecake Incident

It's the end of the (not very) posh meal at the (dull and boring) work Christmas party. I've never been a great fan of Christmas pudding, so I go for the cheesecake. After a wait long enough that it might already be Easter, the waiter brings me my tiny, round, individual cheesecake. Without looking too closely, I go to dig my fork right in, and it bounces right back out. I try again, it's like trying to dig through a springy mattress.

Turns out it was a. still frozen (oh dear kitchen) and b. wearing it's cute little plastic wrapper.

Now, I no longer go to work Christmas meals. It's safer.

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