I’m beginning to realise that, for me at least, one of the big things about depression is that there isn’t always a reason why I feel down. Low mood my doctor likes to call it. Sometimes it seems to just get me without any reason. Tonight I’m feeling lower than I have for a couple of weeks now – which I suppose is why I’m writing this – but can I work out why? No.
The last two or three weeks have actually been really good. Things have started to look up for me and it seems like I might be getting towards the conclusion of one of the big things in my life that’s causing me to feel bad. I’ve been doing well in my therapy, so well in fact that my therapist and I have agreed to meet only every three weeks. I’m proud of that. I really am.
I’ve been to the pictures to see the Spooks movie. That was a big thing for me; to go to such a public place was massively anxiety provoking but I did it. I can do it again. I even managed to go for a day out in Edinburgh. There’s a lot that I should be pleased about and a huge amount to be proud of.
Yes, there are still lots of things in my life to work on, but I know that I’m in a better place. I can see that there really can be a future for me. I’ve planned the next stage of what I’m going to do once my therapy is over to continue getting better. I’ll write more about that another time but I’m genuinely excited.
So, why do I feel down? Who knows.
PS: I promise that I’ll try to post more frequently over the next few weeks. I’ve another day trip planned on the 18th so once that’s done I’ll have shedloads of photos and other things to post. Plus I’ve begun writing what looks like it might become a kind of autobiography type affair. I might or might not carry it on, and might or might not post it if I do, but we’ll see.
I’ll feel better tomorrow, once I’ve had a decent night’s sleep.